Alright. Here we go. Gonna make my first post now, enough stalling. I'll start off by giving you guys a little background information about me. My name is Patrick Roldan, and I am a skateboarder from New York. I get into trouble a lot with authority figures, and that is where I got the inspiration for my blog title, "Security Guards Suck." As I stated before, I am a skateboarder. Whenever I get the chance, I will post on the blog what happened during my day of skating. That portion of the blog will start on Wednesday, when I get back to skateboarding with my homies. Other things I will post on this blog include cool things I see through my journeys and weird stories. I will provide reviews of products I have used and I swear to be unbiased. I will also be posting videos that I find awesome. I might also spread some love for bands and songs and such. I personally guarantee you will find me boring at times, trust me, I bore the shit out of myself every second of a day when I am not skateboarding or just hanging out with my favorite people. So here it goes.
MY FIRST STORY(This story involves racism, so brace yourselves. I will pre-inform you that I am of Filipino descent)
Two weeks ago, I was skateboarding with a my friends Rob (who is a very pale white person) and Gabe (who is a dark Hispanic person). We were warming up at my local mall, where they have a couple of great spots. There is a bank, a six stair, a 2 stair, a 3 stair, and a couple of very slick ledges. Now that the "Panera Bread ledge" has been capped, we have moved on to a less amusing ledge we like to call the "Macy's bench." We were skateboarding at the Macy's bench, trying to get a good couple of tricks going, when a young African-American security guard told us to get off our boards. Well, being the "law-abiding citizens" we ALL aspire to be, we did get off of our skateboards. We held them in our hands for a moment, and as soon as he walked away, we got on them again to get inside the mall and go to our local Zumiez (I am sure that most of you out there reading that I support a Zumiez will think I am stupid and that I supporting a corporate store that is killing "Mom and Pop" shops everywhere, but it is the only skate shop I have. And trust me, the employees at my Zumiez really skate. They're some of the coolest people I know. The employees there that do skate are; the manager Steve, the assistant manager Tom, and Brian. Other employees include Brittany, Sam, Chris, and Eric). So as we were walking in, the security guard comes back with two of his goons, a VERY fat white security guard and an Indian security guard with a very heavy accent. The black security guard approaches us and tells us to get off the boards again. He says that we aren't listening. He said, "Did y'all not hear me back there?! I specifically told you kids to stop skateboarding and get off the skateboards!" So Rob says, "Yeah? Well we aren't on our fucking boards. We're holding them you idiot!" The Indian security guard just stood there, nodding his head mumbling words that sounded like "yeah, uh-huh, yes" and we just laughed at him. By this point the white security guard got bored and left like nothing had even happened. The black security guard came back with, "Woah kid, hold your damn language. Do you speak to your mom that way? Listen, I will ban you from the mall for not just 6 months which is the minimum, but a whole year! You hear me?" Rob then angrily asked, "Wait, you'll ban me for skating but not them?! Freaking racist bastard! You should be fired for racial prejudice!" The black guard took a moment and realized that Rob was right and fixed his statement. He said, "Y'know what, all of y'all need to get your acts straight. I'll ban all of you for skateboarding if I ever see you guys again. Especially you white kid, you have been mouthing off to me all this time. The chink and the spic are just standing there quietly." This got me pissed. I decided to yell at him. I screamed. Loudly. I said, "DUDE! YOU RACIST! WHAT ARE YOU SAYING! YOU'D BAN ALL SKATEBOARDERS ON THE PREMISES?!" And Rob chimes in saying, "THERE'S A SKATEBOARD SHOP IN THE GOD DAMNED MALL!" I continue with, "WHAT IF A FUCKING 8-YEAR OLD WERE SKATEBOARDING AND HE WAS JUST LEARNING AND JUST GOT HIS BOARD? WOULD YOU BAN HIS ASS TOO?!" The black guard said, "Yup, it has to be done." So Rob, Gabe and I all say in unison, "FUCK IT WE DON'T CARE." So we just went off and walked inside. But the security guards were still following us. So I, being the most creative asshole in the world, threw my skateboard on the ground, landed on it with my stomach and held my face and ankles screaming, "OW! OH MY GOD! I AM SKATEBOARDING AND DYING AND ITS ALL BECAUSE OF SKATEBOARDING! I AM GOING TO SUE!!! SUE I TELL YOU! MOTHERFUCKING SUE!!!!" This caused a whole laughing fit between me and my friends, and the security guard acted like a total douche. He said, "Oh yeah? Lets see you do it again. I dare you. Do it again." Rob had my back and said, "Oh don't tempt him. He'll do it again." So I taunted the security guard, mocking him as we walked to Zumiez.
And thus ends my story. I hope you have enjoyed it.
More posts to come (starting 27 July, 2011). Leave a comment on my blog and show some support (or spread some hate). Any kind of feedback will do! THANKS!
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